Oh God, I'm Santa Claus Open my eyes, what a beautiful day Just the type that makes me want to say hooray I'm still a little fuzzy-headed from my sleep Into my brain reality seeps Look all around me, can't believe what i see These little short people are surrounding me I've got a white beard, a suit made of red My soul becomes filled with a keen sense of dread
Oh god, i'm santa claus Oh god, i'm santa claus Oh god, i'm santa claus Oh god, i'm santa claus
Hop out of bed, kick an elf in the chest What an awful way to awake from a rest 'santa, oh, santa,' the little gnomes cheer 'you shouldn't be nasty at this time of year!' 'what do you mean?' i say in a rage 'and what are you doing with those big burlap bags?' The elves they do roar, 'why their full of toys For you to deliver to the good girls and boys.'
Oh god, i'm santa claus Oh god, i'm santa claus Oh god, i'm santa claus Oh god, i'm santa claus
Resigned to my fate, i load up the sleigh Harness the reindeer and get under way It's nippy up here in the cool arctic sky Good thing i remembered that bottle of rye Flying over rooftops, throwing out toys Hopefully crushing those good girls and boys Like a bad dream, i pray for release Please let this hellish existence be ceased!
Oh god, i'm santa claus Oh god, i'm santa claus Oh god, i'm santa claus Oh god, i'm santa claus
From this nightmare i finally awake My brain is on fire, my hands they do shake But wait, they're not hands, they're cute little paws I'm the easter bunny, i'm not santa claus!